Hello world!

Do you know those times where you think one thing is going to happen and then it just… doesn’t?

That seems to have been my last year.

I should probably give you some background on who I am. I am a mid 20’s university graduate with a business degree. I have a great job, my own house and car, no debt, a cat and a horse. I enjoy going out and drinking heavily on the weekends and riding and looking after horses in my spare time. On paper my life is pretty fantastic. In reality, my life has done a complete 180 from where I thought it would be and I am still trying to figure out how I feel about that.

In short, in the last year I have:

  • Fallen in love for the first time (Yaayy!!)

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  • Gotten my heart broken as well (Booooo!)

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  • Had some harsh realizations on who my real friends are

  • Grown up just a bit.

Sigh. It’s all a lot of work.

I’ve learned to live completely on my own for the first time ever.. which I guess I can say is a great life skill as much as it sucks occasionally.

I plan on laying out my both good and bad life decisions on here so that hopefully when I’m 50 I can look back on this and hopefully laugh (or cringe.. or cry… whatever).

My current dilemma, what do you do when the first person you ever had a crush on (I’m talking like.. hot for the babysitter crush) is suddenly available and a potentially real option for some fun?

I’ve known J literally forever and he is approximately 14 years older and happens to have a 13 year old daughter. When I was little I would actually go mute and blush constantly. Lovely right? Well, when I was 19, I was apparently considered an adult in his eyes. Great right? Not so much.

The first time he made a pass at me I thought it was great and exciting. As much as I really really (did I mention really?) like sex, I had the pesky problem of still being in possession of my V-Card. So fortunately or unfortunately (still unsure) logic kicked in and all I got was some drunken making out and boob grabbing.  Never in a zillion years would he have been a good idea to be my first. Looking back on it all now, he’s essentially the same person as the one who was my first so it really wouldn’t have made a difference. Fast forward about 5 years, through 2 different relationships where him and I always flirted.. kissed a few times.. but always had something in the way… we are both now currently single. Dun dun dunnnnnnnn.

Did I mention that since he is so much older and my dad has known him since he was a teen and knows he’s actually a giant man-child douche that he would be ridiculously disappointed if he ever found out?? Yeaaahhh… thus my conundrum.

Do I fuck the guy that I still find to be ridiculously good looking and just hope to hell no one finds out? Or do I make the responsible decision to reign by libido in and not have him fuck my brains out once… Or a couple times… or for a few months until I find another substitution…

On that same note… what do you do when your Ex who you have fantastic mind blowing sex suggests hooking up again?

That story to follow….

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